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Coding/Design: Yours-Tragically
Images: Wonder Girls Wonderland

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July 2009

Time for a post. I'm lost. I'm alone. That's how I feel each and everyday. It wasn't always like this. People are always in and out of my life though. It's really unstable. I was going to attain some stability earlier this year, but it was a complicated matter that I decided not to pursue. I don't want to be regretful over it so I won't be. I'm not going to interact with any of those people any more. It's for the best for me, I have to get over whatever bond we developed, just like they have gotten over it.

I'm longing for a relationship too. I want someone who gets me and understands how I am by my side. I want someone to go on picnics on, someone to ride bikes, someone to talk to all the time on the phone, someone to share myself with, someone to take long car rides with, someone to go on walks with, someone to dine with, someone to explore with, someone to travel with...someone.

It seems like I'm cursed though. I can't encounter anyone like that, and unlike a Korean drama or movie, I don't get lucky and happen to meet the right person for me, but instead I'm always alone. I'm alone at parties, I eat alone, I play games alone, I drive alone, I swim alone, my phone sits idly by me without a ring...I'm really alone. It makes me sad...and I wish I could just meet someone and get over this...but the way I live does not help much either.

Little income, tons of computer/video game time spent trying to fill the gap, it just isn't good. I meet lots of people and we instantly become friends but nothing more. Lots of girls I meet just give me an empty feeling, there's nothing special about them at all. I often feel anxious to end that, to be lucky and feel like life is perfect. It doesn't happen though. I feel kind of ashamed, my sister has had successful relationships from one to the next, there is always someone interest in her, but nobody is interested in me.

Normally I hate blogger, but I think it'll be useful just to record how I'm feeling or what is going on with me. Nothing I really need to share with anyone and since blogger generally is not that much of a social place I won't need to share with others beyond a random visitor. Be warned here that things discussed are going to be deeply personal. I won't reveal peoples identities to protect their privacy. Now let's get this show on run.